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A diary of a ditz (long post)

In the process of clearing up papers, I’ve come across my diary from 1994 – ten years and how things have changed (or not!). I’ve spent the afternoon smiling to myself, reading about the girl I used to be, and so glad I’ve grown up a bit since then! I read about college, about going to Khandala for our ‘Psycho’ seminars, about long walks and talks along the cliffs about the past and the future with fellow classmates. I remember a very early morning walk to the dam, photos clicked in the fog; those were good days and I suddenly have a pang of sadness and wish I could turn back time…..

The pages are full of stories – of chance meetings in buses with people – friends and otherwise, of ‘wishes’ that have surprisingly come true in the past decade (some of which I’d rather not have had come true – reminds me of the saying that “be careful what you wish for; it may come true.”)

Then there are the predictions I have made and forgotten about. And a lot of them have come true – very creepy!

It’s just too funny, reading of the mischief, the tears, the fights and the imagined slights between friends. We took ourselves far too seriously those days!

Some of the pages reads like B.Jones diary –

January 29, 1994
“….It was a fairly entertaining day especially since I slapped a guy at Kurla because he tried to hold my waist; the creep…..”

February 4, 1994
“…Went to coll and guess what? My poems been published in the ‘Xavierite’!! (the coll mag). It’s marvelous! I’m famous!”

February 7, 1994
“Didn’t go to coll…..Studied Testing instead – Wechsler defines intelligence as the average or global capacity of an individual to act purposefully, think rationally and deal effectively with his environment”…Yippee! I know one sentence!!!….Did loads of stats…I know all formulas!!”

May 21, 1994
“The unbelievable has happened! SUSHMITA SEN IS MISS UNIVERSE!! (a two page report on the contest follows that sentence in the diary!!) I’m happy now. I was so depressed earlier.”

May 29, 1994
“…Came home from the meeting and found out that N’s (my baby brother) head had been cut open. He hit it on a fan in the club. I ran home and then to Dr.M. There was X & Y with mum. Dr was not there, but the girls stitched him up. It was horrible. He was covered in blood, yet he didn’t make a sound; not a tear fell. We bandaged him and brought him home..”

July 19, 1994
“Met with Bishop Bosco today; it was ok – a few prayers, discussions etc, not much of a strain. The fun came later on! We were on our way home and near one of the shops I just saw this guy, well dressed and all, coming toward me. So I stepped to one side to let him pass. As he passed by me, he was singing something rude, so I just turned and glared at him, like I usually do at such creeps. Anyway, L saw me glaring at him and went after him and caught him. Then A went and then F and the rest. It was hilarious. The poor guy didn’t know what hit him. All he did was sing!! The joke was however that he was from the CISF. That’s why these guys let him go. That’s where their dadagiri ends!……..”

July 31, 1994
“Today’s mass was hilarious. Fr.S said it. The choir was okay, but the ‘laying of hands’ was funny ‘cos A (the ancient choir leader) never stopped singing and everybody (i.e we, in the choir) stood on the altar, hands stretched in pain and giggled. It was too much.”

August 1, 1994
“What a BORING DAY!”

August 7, 1994
“Went for mass. Fr.M’s sermon took 30 minutes! Had meeting after that on ‘Fear’. It was great. I never knew what these people were afraid of. Let me list them for you :

C/J : Fear of being used in relationships
S/L : Fear of loneliness
Y/D : Fear of speaking in public (Funnily, D is now a lawyer!!!)
M : Fear of involvement
A/C : fear of disappointing people
D : Fear of doing something that he’ll regret

August 26, 1994
“Ramdas Nayak was shot dead last evening. So today was a bandh.”

August 28, 1994
“Fr.E brought me a stone from Calvary!” (to add to my collection!)

Then there are the daily recounting of what happened in college, the ordeal of studying, the mastering of Statistics formulas, the running around trying to get ‘subjects’ for Psychology tests, the tales of friends and supposed enemies, the saga of chopping my waist length hair to ear length (!) – that was a life changing moment, indeed!! The year ends with me starting work, a college reunion, weddings of friends………

The diary starts with a para from Dostoyevsky’s Notes from the Underground – I had better taste in reading material those days –

“ Every person has reminiscences which she would not tell to anyone but only to her friends. She has other matters in her mind, which she would not reveal even to her friends, but only to herself and that in secret. But there are other things that a person is afraid to tell even to herself and every decent person has a number of such things stored away in her mind..”

(I changed the gender in the paragraph to suit my diary.)

There are pages and pages of words that just amaze me; I shake my head in disbelief as I read sentences and sentences and get goose bumps thinking that all those things have happened years later just as I wrote. My 1994 diary could have been a predictor of my 2004 diary – it’s just that weird…

The ’94 diary ends with an annual recount of the milestones/major events of each month, like an at-a-glance calendar of events of the year. I still make that annual list each December.

I have kept diaries since my 8th standard; that’s when the writing bug really, really bit me, I think. Most of them have been destroyed last year in a fit of clearing-up-space-enthusiasm, but this one, perhaps I’ll hold onto for a little while. As the New Year draws near, it’s time to take stock of the milestones in 2004 – and there have been many. 2004, in fact, could be the most ‘milestony’ year of my life yet.

But that’s another post, another day.
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